Here in Seattle, we have a neighborhood called South Park. It cracks me up because I love the show South Park, even though I don’t make a point of watching it. (I probably should.) Stone and Parker, the creators of the show, are geniuses with an incredible wit and laser-like focus on hypocrisy. Even though they like being ridiculous themselves, they absolutely skewer anyone who’s being ridiculous.

Mr Garrison… excuse me, MRS Garrison is a character on South Park. She is a train wreck of a teacher for the four lead characters on the show- if your kid ever got her as a teacher, you’d pull the kid out and start home schooling immediately. In an episode full of Christmas songs that my sister (Hi Goob!) was watching lately, Mr or Mrs Garrison sang a song about Christmas. (I don’t know if it was a rerun so I don’t know if Garrison had had his/her gender reassignment surgery yet. No, I’m not making this up.)

My sister thought that, as a Buddhist, I’d appreciate this song. Perhaps she’s also trying to subliminally send me a message about my heathen ways. It’s called “Merry Fucking Christmas” (and the easily offended can just stop reading right there, because the title tells you how the song is going to be):

I heard there is no Christmas
In the silly Middle East
No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus
They have different religious beliefs

On Christmas day I travel `round the world and say,
Taoists, Krishnas, Buddhists, and all you atheists too,
Merry Fucking Christmas, To You!

There’s also a couple of YouTube versions out there. Here’s a version that someone else did with their own animation but the original music from the show.

Despite common believe, Buddhists do the Christmas thing just fine. Let’s face it, the traditions we have around Christmas are as much (or more) pagan and northern-European in origin as they are about the religious part of the holiday… and Buddhism is pretty flexibile in terms of adopting local customs.

So Merry F***ing Christmas to all!